I'm not sure I've organized my thoughts quite enough on this subject to proceed, but I will give it a go. SUPER MOMS...There is NO. SUCH. THING.
The idea of super mom is fantasy. Its unrealistic and actually sort of torturous. Strange term to use? Imagine yourself as a new mom (those of us who have been there don't have to imagine - we can just think back in time...) watching other more veteran moms around us. They seem to be Super Mom. They keep a clean house, have a healthy dinner on the table at the same time every night and are always upbeat. They play with their kids, never lose their patience and even make crafts and go fun places with their kids. How can I ever live up to that (as a new mom you're thinking this)...?
Well...I want to bust this open. This well kept secret. There is no such thing. Every one of us has things we're good at and EVERY ONE OF US has things we're bad at. One of my friends might be good at playing with her kids, but she sucks at making dinners. One of my friends might be good at keeping a clean house, but she loses her temper too quickly....
As women, for some reason we are competitive with each other. We want to look REALLY good so others wonder how we do it all. We want to look like we have it all together. SO...we don't talk about the hard stuff. We don't share the times we yell at our kids or feed our kids macaroni for dinner 4 nights in a row. We don't tell if we let the kids watch 4 hours of tv because what would others think?? I struggle with this subject...I want other people to think I'm a good mom and never lose my temper and always feed my kids super nutritious food and have a super clean house. But the reality is I do lose my temper and yell at times. If you walked into my house on any given day (if I didn't know you were coming) you would find toys all over, dust on the shelves, pee on the toilet seat and crumbs on the floor. I'm no super mom. BUT, I am a mom who loves her kids and tries her best. I love Jesus and want to show that to my kids, but I'm human, and so are you.
6 comments:
Thanks for that much needed reminder Carrie! Why do we choose to compete with each other when the most beneficial thing would be to share in our struggles and give each other a break-if we were all real this mothering job might be a little less intimidating! So many nights I look back on my day and think "wow, I really blew it today." I then thank the Lord for his grace and for resilient children! I pray He can help me show that same grace to others...espcecially other moms!
I was just talking about this with some friends of mine who are in my small group. Most families and moms in particular want to seem like they have it all together, which like you said, is just not a reality. At the beginning of our group we decided that reality and honesty is the only thing that will be accepted and no pretenses allowed. We are all there to have God grow us as parents, and an important part of that is being real with where we are at. While at first it was hard to let down that wall, now my group is such a source of comfort, wisdom and perspective because I see that so many others struggle with the same things I do. And honestly, sometimes its nice to hear I'm not the only one who couldn't find the time to go grocery shopping all week or has Elmo as their personal hero (Caden is captivated by him for the 20 minutes he's on Sesame Street. Love it.) Anyways, your words continue to encourage me its ok to be real, and how God teaches us through those moments. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! (Sorry this comment is so long! )
This is so refreshing--you are so right!!!!!!!!!!\
It just lifts my spirits. I'm thinking also that we need to be honest about our marriages sometimes too, not to tell all, but to be apparent when it is called for.
I miss you and by the way, this mom forgot to tell you that D feels he should keep his webcam. I believe i was supposed to get back to you about that. Sorry. We should chat sometime soon though.
I love the responses...thanks guys! I know - why do we compete when we all have shortcomings? "All have fallen short of the glory of God" right?? And you're right, Pam...its the same with our marriages. We want everyone to think that we have the perfect, most fulfilling marriage when the reality is there are seasons when its really hard. Its hard work to be married and anyone who makes it appear things are super fantastic all the time are not being truthful. You guys have encouraged me by responding - thank you.
I also feel super strongly about this sunject, Carrie! (I've actually been writing a very similar blog in my head lately.) I tend to be really optomistic about things, but I never want to give people the wrong idea. MOTHERHOOD IS HARD. And some days just plain suck. But I am so thankful that I am surrounded by REAL mamas. I really don't know anyone who meets that description of the "perfect mom"... maybe because I don't want to be friends with people like that! While it's fun (and important) to focus on the good things, pretending that things are perfect is just lying to ourselves and to others. Here's what it boils down to: We are not acting out of love when we seek to glorify ourselves and make others feel like failures. Let's give God the glory for any good we do, and recognize that He is working on ALL of us! Now excuse me while I go clean my dirty house. =)
This is so true, and great to read. I have friends coming over tomorrow (one I haven't seen in 10 years) and I've been thinking all day about needing to clean the house, make sure the kids have cute clothes to wear, making sure I have cute clothes to wear, making cookies and snacks, thinking up games for all the kids that will be here and more. Thanks for the reminder that this is not a contest, and whatever gets done, or not done, will be fine. And it's ok to be fine with fine every now and then. Thanks Care!
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