the countdown

As I contemplate the fact that I am only going to be pregnant just over a month longer...I feel a mix of emotions. My initial reaction is one of joy. As noble as it would be to soley have joy over the face to face meeting of this child inside me, I have to admit that I am selfishly joyful. Joyful that I will not be lugging this weight in front of me any longer, joyful that I will be able to bend over comfortably once again, joyful that I will be back to running in no time and joyful that my clothes will no longer need stretchy waistbands. The other source of joy, of course, is meeting our child. I have loved the process of anticipating whether this child is a boy or a girl. I am so happy we decided to have it be a surprise at delivery! So many questions float through my waking thoughts...Will this baby look just like the boys...with plump cheeks and tiny, narrow blue eyes? What will this labor be like? Will I have another 9+ lb baby? How will the boys react? Will we have a name if its a boy(seriously...)? And what if its a girl??????
So yes, most of me is very excited at this ending of a chapter in my (our) life. We do not plan on having any more kids, so as long as that is God's plan too, this is the last time I will be pregnant. The other tiny part of me is sad this will be the last time I will experience the miracle of watching a life form inside me. Of feeling the tiny movements, then stronger kicks, then the twisting and turning that feels like my insides are being pushed to their limits. However, I have been so blessed to be able to get pregnant, to have healthy children and carry them to term...I do not want to take that for granted.
On this quiet night with Jason out and the boys asleep, I will take an extra minute to enjoy the twisting and turning inside me, knowing that though I may be uncomfortable and wishing for my tiny resident to finish his/her residency...there will be a time when I wistfully remember these times and wish I had enjoyed them more.